While chatting with my drop dead gorgeous niece last weekend—who happens to be a medical doctor and single—I half-jokingly said, "Well, when you think you've found Mister Right, ask him to take a lie detector test!" My mistake. She quickly abandoned the conversation, and as she stood to leave she said, "I would hope I have better discernment than to choose someone who would need that."
Inwardly I groaned: Didn't we all?
How could so many—in fact, millions of us—miss the clues that could have shown us betrayal was ahead in our most intimate relationship? Did God not hear our prayers for wisdom? Was it our failure—or His?
Considering Options: Choosing to Stay with a Sex Addict
by Coach Jodi; edited by Marsha Means, M.A., August 2017
Ten years ago when I discovered I was the partner of a sex addict, I felt as if I had fallen into a deep, dark hole: a pit really, and initially, I had no idea where I was, or how to find my way out. Back then—and even now—I identified with this poem about addiction and recovery. For me, it accurately portrays a partner’s journey:
Read more: Considering Options: Choosing to Stay with a Sex Addict
Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Leave?
by Coach Katherine; edited by Marsha Means, M.A., July 2017
No bride ever dreams of divorce on her wedding day. But sadly, for those of us married to sex addicts, it is something many of us eventually consider. I am one of those women.
Read more: Marriage: Should I Stay or Should I Leave?
The Amazing Power of Heart to Heart Support: How Relationships Can Help Us Heal.
by Marsha Means, M.A., July 2017
I want to share with you a wonderful, nine minute video about a woman named Amy Silverstein. You can view the video on Amy's website by clicking here (please scroll to the middle of her home page). The video is also on YouTube here. It’s a video about the power of support when life gives us more than we can handle on our own. Interestingly, though Amy has the kind of husband every woman dreams of, even he isn’t enough without the power of heart to heart support from Amy's female friends or "sisters" on her journey.
I’ve watched the video several times, each time jotting down new takeaways from this life-giving story. But what I hope you take away is that none of us can face life’s most painful and difficult mountains without what the story calls a “support group posse.” It takes a group of supportive sisters who will tunnel through the mountain’s pain and chaos with us. Though Amy’s mountain is different—and perhaps even worse—than ours, it’s her circle of support that enables her to face it.
Amy had to choose whether to let herself literally die with her broken heart, or to face all that comes with getting a new one. It was her circle of supportive sisters who gave her the courage and tenacity to choose life. The right kind of support can enable us to choose life too.
We would love to hear your takeaways from this powerful video, and we invite you to post them on our Facebook Page or in our free Online Community. For me, it’s a beautiful metaphor of what it takes to heal, whether it’s our physical heart or emotional heart that’s dying.
With your healing at heart,
Marsha Means, M.A.