Who among us hasn’t been so shattered or angry about her husband’s sex addiction that she’s said or done things she wishes she could take back? Gratefully, very few of us lose control to the level 69-year-old Patricia Hill--a nurse and Sunday School teacher of Arkansas--did. But because there is always the danger that our humanity can flare, get us in trouble, and harm others, I want to share this heartbreaking story with you.
Relapse doesn’t have to happen, but it sometimes does, and we never know where our emotions can take us if it happens to us. Over the years, I’ve seen a mom of young children lose custody because her husband’s attorney capitalized on her anger. And I’ve seen more than one woman taken to jail and forced to attend six months of anger management training because the police were called during angry exchanges with their husbands. I’ve seen another young mom sent to prison for eight years for shooting her husband in the arm. Mom’s who love their children and never planned to lose them, all because their emotions boiled over in a heated moment.
Clearly, we need an ongoing process and good support system if we want a healthy, happy life as we walk alongside the men we love as they do battle with this addiction. Learning to “regulate” your emotions through a variety of techniques is required training if you love a sex addict, as are self-care, self-soothing, and finding and growing yourself again. I hope Patricia’s heartbreaking story serves as a reminder that we need to stay focused on our own healing and journey to rise above our own broken humanity as we live out our lives here on planet earth.
By Max Brantley
April 24, 2019
KATV reports that a Pine Bluff jury Thursday convicted Patricia Hill, 69, of a reduced charge of second-degree murder for fatally shooting her husband Frank, 65, for resubscribing to a satellite TV porn channel that he watched in a shed described as his man cave.
Hill, who’d been charged with capital murder, just snapped, defense lawyer Bill James said, because of her moral outrage at the discovery her husband had resubscribed to a channel she’d canceled. She was not in her right mind when she flew into a rage, a psychologist who was a witness for the defense said.
The court said she was sentenced to 16 years in prison. Under the law, James said, she’d likely have to serve a minimum of four years.
Hill contended she’d fired at her husband’s feet, but shots hit him in his lower and upper body, the police had said.
The couple, married 17 years, had drifted apart, said Hill.
Hill said she had told her husband she couldn’t tolerate pornography, which she described as “adultery with pictures.” When she confronted him shortly before she shot him, he reportedly said, “What’s the harm?”
I know the deep, wrenching pain this addiction causes each of us, because I’ve experienced it myself. If you find you struggle with overwhelming emotions in response to your husband’s addiction, I encourage you to reach out for the help and support you need to prevent the potential for disastrous outcomes in your own life.
As one group member recently said, “My life is about so much more than my husband’s addiction. I’m not going to go down with him if he doesn’t win this battle.”
That adds a whole new meaning to the saying, “Get a life,” doesn’t it?