I hadn’t thought much about the role self-awareness plays in our healing until I asked a former client what treasure she had found because of her healing journey. Her answer? “Self-awareness.” But I haven’t stopped pondering that conversation since. And I’ve discovered she is absolutely correct! Learning to live in self-awareness can be labeled a treasure, but it is also a necessary tool for our healing. How is it so essential?you might ask, just as I did. But now I know the answer to that question.
Who among us hasn’t been so shattered or angry about her husband’s sex addiction that she’s said or done things she wishes she could take back? Gratefully, very few of us lose control to the level 69-year-old Patricia Hill--a nurse and Sunday School teacher of Arkansas--did. But because there is always the danger that our humanity can flare, get us in trouble, and harm others, I want to share this heartbreaking story with you.
I have this burning passion to help ministers and others see through my lens when they encounter sex addicts and their partners. Most of them still sit in judgement, and can only see the broken and hurting as “living in sin.” But I want them to see through my lens—because my lens formed out of the love and grace God gave me—and all of us, if we will just turn to him with our failures.
Because of my dear father, I know what I’m looking for. Please listen as I tell you a true story.
Triggers. We all know how they can throw us into a panic in seconds, and leave us spinning, even when we thought we were beyond such cycles. Like a wind out of nowhere, they rock our world. And they often result in relational conflict, because our partners don’t “get” why we are so edgy, reactionary, and fragile. But if both parties in the couple are on a recovery path, and trying to save their marriage, boundaries can make a huge difference. The right kind of “boundaries,” that is. And I have a great example for you of the kinds of boundaries I’m talking about.