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Sacajawea

I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, and like every child from that part of the United States, I learned about Lewis and Clark and Sacajawea in Washington State History classes. If you grew up in the United States, you may remember hearing about Lewis and Clark. But you may never have learned about Sacajawea, so allow me to introduce one of my childhood heroines to you. Her story has bearing on how we heal from betrayal trauma.

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If we don’t fully understand detachment, it sounds and feels like a loss of control. And when you’re married to a sex addict, loss of control feels dangerous. So instinctively, we do the opposite and strive to control. And in truth, when your husband is involved in inappropriate sexual behavior, much of your life is out of your control! You can’t count on him to care more about you than his selfish behaviors, and because your lives are so intimately entwined, his addiction creates chaos in your life too. And never knowing when you’ll be hurt again is like living through an unending earthquake. The ground beneath your life and marriage constantly shifts, and nothing remains stable.