For most of us, boundaries prove to be one of the most misunderstood and most difficult skills we must learn on this journey. But Christy Kane, a former coach with A Circle of Joy who is now doing her practicum at Soul Work Counseling in Minneapolis, does a great job of shedding light on boundaries in the following pieces she wrote during her time on our team. And I think you will especially enjoy the comical—and effective—example in the first piece below in Christy’s thoughts on boundaries!
Triggers. We all know how they can throw us into a panic in seconds, and leave us spinning, even when we thought we were beyond such cycles. Like a wind out of nowhere, they rock our world. And they often result in relational conflict, because our partners don’t “get” why we are so edgy, reactionary, and fragile. But if both parties in the couple are on a recovery path, and trying to save their marriage, boundaries can make a huge difference. The right kind of “boundaries,” that is. And I have a great example for you of the kinds of boundaries I’m talking about.
In our MOM ON STRIKE! and 4 Myths About Boundaries newsletter, we saw how Christy put boundaries to the test with her two boys, complete with comic relief and real life, parental bravery. Christy also hit on 4 common myths about boundaries. Boundaries are not rules we place on others, nor are they controlling, punishing, or necessarily unforgiving. Boundaries protect the good, while keeping out the unacceptable. With that said, Christy has graciously allowed us to share the boundary agreement she and her husband, Dan, made in 2008.